My whole life until last Saturday, I've been a brunette and until about a month ago, I've always had the same dark straight hair. For a while though I've been wanting to try a crazy hair color, specifically a pink or purple. I've been very apprehensive to do it though, because I knew I would have to bleach and damage my hair in the process. Besides that and the fear of not liking the result as much as I love my natural hair, I was scared because of how much my natural hair has been a part of my identity for my whole life. My hair is part of the physical manifestation of myself, and part of what helps make and represent who I am. I don't just think of myself as someone with natural dark brown hair, I think of myself as a brunette. It was for this reason that I decided to leave my hair alone and just be content with the beautiful near-raven hair I've been blessed with.
But...
About a month ago I made a bet with a friend that if she did something, then I would just go for it and dye my hair purple. I probably made that bet knowing I would probably lose because even though I was anxious about it, I did want to try something crazy while I still could without having to worry about consequences. I lost the bet and the next day I bought a box of bleach and began the process.
I didn't really know what I was doing and although most of my hair slightly lightened, it was super uneven. Although I didn't love it and I missed my dark hair, I was still a brunette and told myself to stop freaking out and just enjoy the change. In the end though I couldn't hep but try to downplay the differences.
The ultimate goal was and is still purple though, so with that in mind last week I stuck two boxes of the strongest bleach into my hair for two hours and tried to get to platinum. After those two hours though I just decided to wash it out rather than wait until my hair started falling off my head.
The result of the intensive bleaching was moderately damaged strawberry blonde hair which I had very mixed although mostly negative feelings about.
Personally, I strongly associate blonde hair with the ideal standard of female beauty that society advocates. When I was really little, I guess the idea of blonde as beautiful and ideal was quickly and strongly ingrained into me, as not only did I long to be blonde, but thought anyone who was blonde was automatically beautiful and flawless. As I grew older this idea thankfully didn't really stick with me, and as I was exposed to more varied ideas about beauty, I learned to see it everywhere and in everyone. I became very proud of my own hair, and saw my dark hair as a symbol of my own unique beauty.
Bleaching my hair blonde, even if it was temporary, to me felt like giving into society's standards and going against who I am, and that's how I felt at first walking around school on Monday with my now blonde hair. It felt strange looking into mirrors when I went to the bathroom, my still dark eyebrows a reminder of what my hair was really supposed to look like.
But then I realized something: it's just hair. So what if I'm currently a blonde? I know that I have not given myself over to society's standards of beauty, and that I have not given in to pressure to conform to a certain idea. I'm just having fun and experimenting with what I look like and a different form of expressing myself, not who I am. With that mindset, I am now enjoying temporarily having hair that is so nearly the opposite of what I've been used to my whole life.
I'm still really excited to finally be able to dye it purple. Before dying it purple though but after I reach platinum, I fully plan on putting my hair half up and putting on elf ears I bought at a Renaissance Festival. I will then proceed into the nearest woods to take pictures while pretending to be a wood elf and Thranduil's new bride.
